You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
