Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We left the knife in your bed.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
