i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i think im in europe. pls send help
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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