i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
