i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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