I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize