I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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