Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I love you. Go after that dick
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
