how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
