A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
