I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
