We got so high we made milksteak
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
