I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize