you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
