When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
