Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
