Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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