How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
