I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
