Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
