im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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