My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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