Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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