with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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