hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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