So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
