I'm going to jail i love you
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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