apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
