Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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