1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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