I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think a kid would responsible me up
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
These tits shall not be calmed
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
