dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
the liver wants what the liver wants
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
