Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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