If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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