Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
