this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
