Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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