What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
