school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
