Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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