I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
