you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
