Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
