Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
