Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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