Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
