My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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