I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
