Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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