Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
