I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
