Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
