She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
