Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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