he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
