So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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