Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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