I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
