Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
