If i could tip my vagina, i would.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
