For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
