I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Found the puke drawer
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize