I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
