She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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