my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
