Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
