listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
