Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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