oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
