i love accidental penises.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
