Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
