She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
