I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you inspire me to be a worse person
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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