i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
