yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
