She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
