There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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