you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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