I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
there's paper in my vomit.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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