How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize