I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
ttyl tear gas
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
