Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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