So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
