if i died would you start the facebook group?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
