I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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