My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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