I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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