we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He better not be in your backpack
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
