I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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