so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize