we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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