Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
50% drunk capacity currently
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
