I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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