we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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