After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
