I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
soo... how was my night?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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