I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
