Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Randomize
