Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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