I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
