Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
