Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
