I hate your face
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
