So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
