he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize