Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
