dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
false alarm, still single
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
