I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize