Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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