Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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